My company offers free drinks. Not, you know, alcoholic drinks (although there's a fair amount of that brought out for celebrations) (we're a big tech company, it's like a college campus), but there is water, soda, tea, coffee and, most importantly, The Espresso Bars.
Bored? Grab a coffee! Need to get away from the computer? Hey! Let's go get coffee! Just got in? Don't mind if I do. Getting ready for a long drive home? Well, if you insist.
What I'm saying is: I'm very, very caffeinated. Which, given the time I get up every day, is not a huge surprise. The problem is this: I'm kind of bored at work. Antsy. Very, very antsy.
Antsy with nothing to do? Bored? Let's...well, it's a vicious cycle, is what I'm saying.
Jack is going through a phase right now. Well, I don't know if it's a normal phase or if it's an adjustment period. He cries a lot. Big, crocodile tears. And it breaks my heart.
Last night we were making rice pilaf together and he went to pour in the spices (it was from a packet. God, I'm not that caffeinated.) and dropped them, spilling the packet on the floor. Cue the tears. Big, awful, heart-breakingly sorry tears. He kept telling me he was sorry and was it okay? Did I still love him? I'm so sorry, Mommy. I almost started crying with him. All he wants is to be held and given a lot of consolation.
We don't yell a lot, we're a very loving family and accidents are accidents. This has just come up in the last couple weeks and I don't know what's going on. All I can think to do is just console him, give him lots of love and hugs and kisses, and let him know that he's so, so loved. Mommy is right here, baby, I'm not going anywhere.
He's so physically big and he's funny and just so kid-like. It's easy to forget that he's still a little kid. He's trying to figure out how the world works, where the boundaries are. I've been doing this for four (and a half!) years and I know this stuff passes. I know it's just a phase and that things will change, adjust and reset. It's just hard to remember that sometimes. And, even if it's just a phase, it still breaks my heart.