Unplanned Parenthood

Dreams: Weather

I was at an L-shaped ranch-style house in the middle of a large wheat field. There were family members inside, but they were rotating - sometimes they were members of my husband's family, sometimes mine. The sky was deep shades of violet, blue and black, and the clouds were low. The wind was high and created ever-changing patterns in the wheat fields. We were hunkering down for a storm, but the storm was already upon us.

My husband and I were trying to lock things down, closing doors of storage sheds and putting away loose items so they didn't blow away and he was fixing a fence (with help from his late grandfather) before all hell broke loose (why was he fixing a fence before a storm?). The thunder was deafening and lightening was striking the ground in grand, elaborate branches of electricity. A couple times the brush caught fire, but it extinguished itself.

Deer bounded through the fields and one got caught on our front door step, confused and scared and I helped to free her.

The purple velvet sky turned to funnels and small tornadoes began to touch down. They were small and in groups, but didn't seem to be destructive.

We made it back into the house where my ex-step-mom was cutting the crusts off peanut butter sandwiches in the kitchen of our old house, my patiently waiting sisters were much younger than they are now.

And...that's all I remember. Preparing for a storm, huh? How cryptic. But, I can't get the image of the sky out of my mind, it was so intense and low and tangible.

Dreams: Devastation

I'm up early this morning, wallowing in the lingering sorrow of my dreams last night. The problem with having very realistic, vivid dreams is that they have the capacity to destroy you emotionally.

Last night I dreamt that my husband didn't love me anymore. He wasn't mad at me, he wasn't upset that our relationship was ending. He just didn't care. It was a Saturday morning when I discovered this (I don't remember how) and we were going to spend the day apart. My optimism persisted throughout the day because surely he will realize that he's making a huge mistake and this will all be water under the bridge. (Meanwhile, I was running through an abandoned motel/apartment building with a girl with whom I went to highschool and we were smoking pot, but that's neither here nor there.) I checked my phone at the end of the day and he hadn't called me. I met him at a carnival, where he was seated at a table and eating a salad. I could see his face so clearly and he had absolutely no emotion towards me. He smelled like, well, like he had been having sex with someone else. He smiled when I noticed and just kept eating salad. On the verge of tears and with a heavy heart I said, "Why are you doing this? Don't you love me anymore?" He replied, "No, I don't." And took another bite.

I woke up with a broken heart this morning and, though it's starting to mend, I can't wait until he wakes up and gives me a hug. I need a hug.

Also, I'm probably not going to eat salad anytime soon.

Dreams: Skydiving and Pauly Shore

Since I've been pregnant my dreams have ranged from "huh, that was weird" to "I must have dropped acid before bed last night."  I want to record some of them, if only to remind myself of the imagination still trapped in my head.  Here's my adventure from last night:

I was skydiving with a group of military guys, but they were also doubling as some of the guys I went to highschool with in that hazy, morphing dream sense.  I was scared to be skydiving because I was pregnant, but I wasn't scared to be skydiving, per se.  I experienced the free fall from the airplane very clearly and I dropped quickly through the twilight sky, through thin clouds.  The air rushing by my body was deafening.  I pawed my suit and grabbed the rip cord to release the parachute, but the drag from the free fall was making it difficult to pull.  I used all my strength and it finally gave.  My parachute opened and I gently floated into the ocean.  My comrades were there waiting for me and I made them promise not to tell my husband because of the whole "maybe skydiving isn't a safe pregnancy activity" thing.

I emerged from the water and desperately wanted to put on dry clothes, but I couldn't find my suitcase.  There was some commotion in the background, confused activity, and someone approached me with an answer:  Pauly Shore took my suitcase, stole a car and was on the lam.

There was a gift shop nearby and I went there with one of my sisters.  She made me smell all these cheap essential oils that smelled really bad (think old fish), but they were there to mix with bottles of lotion to make smelly lotion.  We couldn't figure out why this was the case.

Finally, Pauly Shore returned with my suitcase and built a bonfire on the beach.  He performed a ritual dance in the middle of a circle formed by the rest of the skydiving, highschool people.  After he finished chanting and dancing, he returned my suitcase.

The End.