Unplanned Parenthood

Terrified, but in a good way.

My brother will be here in two hours and we're leaving for San Francisco.  I'm trying not to think too much about the fact that I'm leaving behind a support system that held me up and helped me survive such a difficult period in my life.  The truth is that I'm not "leaving" them, I'm just going to be a little further away.  If I think about it too much, I'm afraid I'm going to wuss out and stay behind in this comfy, cozy cocoon.

And the real truth is that I'm ready to leave the nest.  I cannot accurately express my love and thanks to my family, a family who knows me well enough to know that I can't stay.  I have to get back on my feet, on my own and rebuild my life.

I'm terrified, but at the same time I'm so excited I'm jumping out of my skin.  Or that may be the coffee.  It feels like the first day of school.  What will my apartment look like?  What will my neighborhood be like?  Where is the nearest coffee shop?  Bookstore?  How fast can I learn to navigate a different section of the bus system?  How can I set up Jack's room to make it perfect for him?

I am so excited.  I am terrified.  I am strong.  I am going to miss Jack like crazy.  I am equal parts scared and ready for my new job.  My new life.  A new chapter in a book that surprised the hell out of me right in the middle of it, but one that is looking better and brighter every day.

VLC

After several day trips to the Bay Area, I was offered a job (a very, very good job that I wanted very much) at a Very Large Corporation (VLC), which I accepted.  At first they wanted me to start on Monday (as in TOMORROW) and I was all, "Uh, I don't live in your state.  I live in a different state and maybe I could have a little more time?"  There was a corporate sigh and they relented and gave me until next Monday.  Like, 8 days from now.

Are you even ready for this plan?

Tomorrow morning my brother and I are getting in my packed-up car and driving to San Francisco, where we should arrive Tuesday afternoon.  I have appointments to look at apartments Tuesday afternoon and hope (fingers and toes crossed) to secure a place to live a.s.a.p.  As soon as it is secured, we are getting on a flight to AZ, where I will rent a UHaul, pack up all my stuff from my cousin's house and storage and drive back to San Francisco.  I will beg and plead for all my friends to help us unload all my crap into my new apartment and then I will settle in as much as possible before my first day of work.

Jack is staying with my mom, THANK GOD, otherwise this plan would take 3 years to execute.

Send positive thoughts, send love, send good moving juju.  Holy crap.  It's all happening so fast.

I can't wait to introduce Jack to San Francisco living.  Weeeeee!

A Million Miles of Travel, Two Teeth and No Shower

I went to my friend's wedding last week in Las Vegas, a trip for which I am still paying and I don't mean monitarily.  I was her Maid of Honor (I refuse to be a "Matron" of Honor.  Refuse.) and we had a blast.  My hair was amazing, if a little sticky with product, I drank champagne in the middle of the day and I had a full night, and I mean a full 12 hours, of pure, blissful sleep.

Upon returning, it was evident that Jack was having major seperation anxiety and since then, I cannot leave his field of vision without a major meltdown.  He is clingy and whiny and now I'm wondering if the mid-day champagne and makeup fest was really worth it.

Granted, he is also getting both of his top two teeth and I know he's in pain, which certainly isn't helping matters.  Yesterday he was a little angel all day until dinnertime when I noticed that his top left tooth was coming in with such a fury that his gums were actually bleeding, so I suppose I should cut him some slack.

Saturday night Jack and I flew down to Arizona, and we are now in the process of organizing, purging and generally getting ready for the move to SF.  After we get that taken care of, we will, hopefully, fly over to San Diego to see my grandparents (they have yet to meet Jack) and then back up to Seattle to get ready to start my program at the beginning of April.

They have been working on the plumbing in our condo since yesterday at 1PM and we still have no water in our bathrooms.  We do in the kitchen, though, and I'm considering a makeshift shower using the sprayer attachment on the sink.  I smell.

PHEW.  I'm exhausted just typing this all out.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that we have a lot going on right now.

We got more bounce in California

So.  Remember how I was all, Wah, I don't want to leave California?  Well, turns out the whole "moving to Arizona" thing was more of a "hiatus."  What I'm trying to say is that we're moving back to the Bay Area.

I'm really loving living in Washington and there was part of me that was hoping to stay, or at least stay in the pacific northwest.  I love it here and I love being close to my family and and so many friends and just the most incredible support system anyone could ever ask for.  I'm sad about the idea of leaving them again.

On the other hand, I LOVE the Bay Area.  It truly is one of my most favorite places in the world and I feel so happy and lucky and excited to go back.  I will be closer to family than I was in Arizona, and it's much easier to convince someone to come visit San Francisco in the summer than it is to convince them to come to Phoenix (Hey!  Come to Arizona!  We'll air-conditioned-room hop and get in the car and you can burn the ever-loving-shit out of your legs on the seats!  Don't touch the steering wheel!  It will actually singe the fingerprints from your skin!).

I'm still going to complete my program up here an become a certified baker.  I will go the culinary capital of the planet and bake some stuff.  Good stuff.  You'll like it, I promise.

My head is stuffed up and I can't think and this post is turning into a big pile of ridiculous.  I only wish I had this much energy to tell you how I feel about moving:

SO EXCITED! from Katie on Vimeo.

Arizona

Yes, that is the catchiest title I could come up with. The heat is officially melting my brain. Everyday I wake up thankful for air conditioning.

So much has happened over the last week. Where do I begin?

Friday night after work I picked up my mom from the airport armed with crushing news: my air conditioning was not working in my car. It was 9:00 at night and nothing we could do at that point. We drove to the hotel where I made a horrifying discovery:

CANKLES. Is that not the grossest thing ever? (I can't believe I'm posting a picture of this nature on the world wide web. Because seriously. Ew.) I knew my legs hurt and I was hot and probably swollen. I did not have any idea that my calves had actually eaten my ankles. I stared at my feet like I was watching a body get torn apart by rabid dogs. And, no, I'm not melodramatic. Whatever.

Saturday morning mom decided there was no way we were driving through the San Joaquin Valley with no A/C and set out on a mission to find someone to fix it. Around 11:30AM we dropped off the car at an overcrowded Midas and entertained ourselves with consignment furniture and Starbucks. No dice on the A/C. They couldn't fix it until Monday and even then it would be very expensive (for the record I didn't believe them, nor did I trust them anyways). I briefly considered trading in my car and buying a new one, but quickly realized I didn't have the title yet. Stupid plan foiled.

We are tough! We are strong women who don't need air conditioning! Off we go!

1:30PM found us soaking up the frigid, recycled air of a Target somewhere off the 580, desperately seeking tank tops, a spray bottle and case of water. Now we are armed!

Around 4:00 we realized that we were soaked through with sweat, hadn't eaten since breakfast, and had become borderline deaf from driving 85 miles an hour with all the windows down. The people in McDonalds gawked as we limped in and shouted our orders to the concerned-looking McDonald's worker. Since I am seriously pregnant, I'm positive that most of them just assumed that yes, I did wet my pants.

Our spirits rose as the sun blessedly set and the air became markedly cooler around Los Angeles. We continued as far as Blythe, CA, where we arrived around 11:00PM to the delight of the Del Taco workers who enthusiastically and without any deep, rageful anger made us some tacos. I'm positive that no one spit in my taco.

I have never in my life taken a truly cold shower, but I did Saturday night. I even abandoned my taco on the nightstand to do so. I was just that disgusting.

We got up early Sunday morning to make the final 3 hour drive into Scottsdale and arrived to my husband's open arms. Arms which recoiled slightly when touching my sopping back. I am sexy.

The movers arrived Sunday afternoon and delivered all our stuff at extortionist rates which made me hate them a little, but everything arrived and nothing was broken so we just bent over and took it like good moving customers do.

And we are here and unpacking and I'm eternally grateful to my mom for the wonderful company on the drive down and for all her help in getting settled. I couldn't have done it without her.

Also, for all you out there keeping score, she thinks there's a very good chance this baby is coming early...

Monday: Changes and Diaper Bags

This is my last week in California.

There is part of me that feels sad and another part that feels like I'm coming up on my first day of school. I clearly enjoy stability and comfort, but I also really get off on change - the new, the unknown, the different. I think there's a difference, though, between change and uncertainty. Uncertainty is what has been killing me up until now, a daily jaunt through purgatory where your life is vulnerable to changes over which we've had very little control, too many financial questions and, in my opinion, financial stress is some of the most frustrating and difficult stress. This is different, this is change. We are moving forward and getting control of our lives and our future and that feels good. This is change in the right direction.

So, my 'first day of school' is on Friday night. I'm picking up my mom from the airport and we're heading out on a road trip. I'm so anxious to see my new apartment again. We only saw it once and briefly at that, and at this point I'm sure I've got it worked up to a 5000 square foot mansion, but I know we'll have more room, central AC, a jacuzzi tub (NOT a 'hot tub' which is what my husband keeps calling it) and a washer and dryer. How can I argue with that?

In other news, because it's all baby and moving all the time around here, I'm on the quest for the perfect diaper bag. I've found bags I like online, but I feel the need to be able to see it and touch it - after all, it's going to be a pretty important vessel for the foreseeable future. I'm just not sure what store to go to for a diaper bag. Suggestions?

Like Molasses

My day-to-day time is going by so slowly.  Days at work are interminable.  Every morning I wake up disbelieving of what day of the week it is.

I suppose it's because my last day of work is set, and I've made peace with leaving, they've hired someone to replace me and I am so sick of thinking about moving that I just want to DO IT ALREADY.  I have fun times set up to see my friends before we leave and I'm looking forward to all of that, don't get me wrong, but I swear I look at the clock every 2.5 minutes and it's starting to drive me crazy.  It would be better if I was home because then I could do something constructive like pack up boxes or obsess over the labeling of boxes or something, oh my god anything, to feel like we're making progress.

I have this desire to be released, to escape.  I am a pacing lioness.  A really, really pregnant one.

Moving on up! Er...not quite yet

Based on news we received yesterday, we've delayed our move for two weeks. Without saying too much, but enough that this actually makes a lick of sense, the deal that was supposed to close this Thursday has been delayed until the 23rd.

My husband and I have both worked in "this industry" and have seen deals blow up - it happens and we're trying to be realistic about it. There is nothing that says that this deal will blow up and everything that says it will all be fine, it's just delayed by 12 days. Delays happen, it's not unusual, it's just that my life hasn't been quite as, hmmm - what's the word?, affected by them as it is now. I have all the confidence that this is still going to go through, that we'll be moving on April 28th.

However, after weighing all the options, it's clear that on the off chance that the deal didn't go through and we had already moved to Arizona, we would be faced with a hellish worst case scenario: living in Arizona, no jobs, no health insurance with a baby on the way and, therefore, faced with another move. It's a risk we're not willing to take. At least here I can work for a couple more weeks (taking the pressure off my workplace to find someone to take my place by the end of the week, which is impossible at best), have full health insurance while doing so, getting another paycheck and ensuring that my husband's job is in place before we move. How...ADULT of us.

You know how you get to that place where you've endured enough stress that further stress just fails to affect you? That's kind of where I am. This isn't the end of the world. It's two more weeks, which, let's be honest, SUCKS, but it's not the worst thing that could happen and we can avoid the worst case scenario by being prudent and patient. And, as my family is laughing at that last word being used in conjunction with me, I'm learning the hard way that patience is in fact a virtue. Or at least, it's a nice thing to have in your back pocket when you have no other choice. I could stress out for the next two weeks, but what's the point? Nothing is going to happen any sooner. (HAHAHAHAHA - will totally write a hysterical post in the next two weeks. I'm no fool.)

So, that's where we are. Not moving this weekend. We've already given our notice at our place in CA, so we have to move out by the end of the month. If this doesn't work out and we don't move to Arizona, we will make a 'hail Mary pass' and some very quick decisions (hi Mom! Hope the Bungalow is ready!), but at least we won't have to move twice.